They say a picture’s worth a thousand words.
If that’s the case, then consider the following a 12,000-word essay about the NBA’s famous (infamous?) January 10th “nicknames game,” or more specifically, consider it an endorsement of the practice of having nicknames on the backs of deserving players.
But, of course, like any good recommendation, this one comes with one major condition…the fans should be the ones who get to choose the names.
And so, in the spirit of responsible fansmanship (“no,” it’s not a real word and “yes,” I don’t care), here are a few of my humble recommendations.
“Lamont” (See picture above^)
Dwight Howard, Houston Rockets
A.K.A. “Big Dummy.” If you don’t understand, you better rent you some “Sanford & Son,” Son!)
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Black Mamba? Not so much biting and striking these days as wobbly and infirm. At some point, this rapidly aging dog may have to be put down. Come to think of it, his old-@$$ sidekick “Marley” (Steve Nash) might be on the way out with him.
Ray Felton, New York Knicks
Does this really need an explanation?
J.R. Smith, New York Knicks
Now, this one REALLY doesn’t need any explanation.
“The Artist Formerly Known As Giannis Antetokounmpo”
Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks
I love your name, Sir, but there’s only but so much time we all have on this Earth and only limited breath in the body. Hey, if Prince can rock the symbol…
Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls
I know, I know. But, you have to admit…his knees HAVE been acting like a couple of A$$holes.
Mario Chalmers, Miami Heat
Rodney Stuckey, Detroit Pistons
Nikola Pekovic, Minnesota Timberwolves
Since we’re on the subject of doppelgangers, this one has been all over the “Internets” for a few years now. Just google “Nikola Pekovic Superman” and see for yourself.
JaVale McGee, Denver Nuggets
I have nothing against this guy myself, but after watching all those “Shaqtin’-A-Fool clips…
Dennis Rodman, Detroit Pistons, Chicago Bulls, San Antonio Spurs, Los Angeles Lakers, Dallas Mavericks
You know, after everything in his career – from the wedding dress, to the tattoos, Demolition Man hairdos, reality show appearances, battle with alcoholism and, finally, his love-fest with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and subsequent return to rehab – there really is no other word or thing that is equivalent or nickname that does him justice. He truly is one of a kind.