Lamont

Staking Our Claim On The Nicknames Game

Jan 20 • Featured Blogs, NBA • 24823 Views • No Comments

They say a picture’s worth a thousand words.

If that’s the case, then consider the following a 12,000-word essay about the NBA’s famous (infamous?) January 10th “nicknames game,” or more specifically, consider it an endorsement of the practice of having nicknames on the backs of deserving players.

But, of course, like any good recommendation, this one comes with one major condition…the fans should be the ones who get to choose the names.

And so, in the spirit of responsible fansmanship (“no,” it’s not a real word and “yes,” I don’t care), here are a few of my humble recommendations.

Lamont

“Lamont” (See picture above^)

Dwight Howard, Houston Rockets

A.K.A. “Big Dummy.” If you don’t understand, you better rent you some “Sanford & Son,” Son!)

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Old Yeller

“Old Yeller”

Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

Black Mamba? Not so much biting and striking these days as wobbly and infirm. At some point, this rapidly aging dog may have to be put down. Come to think of it, his old-@$$ sidekick “Marley” (Steve Nash) might be on the way out with him.

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Porkchop

“Porkchop”

Ray Felton, New York Knicks

Does this really need an explanation?

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Dipshit

“D!psh!t”

J.R. Smith, New York Knicks

Now, this one REALLY doesn’t need any explanation.

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Ant Jersey

“The Artist Formerly Known As Giannis Antetokounmpo

Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks

I love your name, Sir, but there’s only but so much time we all have on this Earth and only limited breath in the body. Hey, if Prince can rock the symbol…

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KNEEJERK

“Kneejerk”

Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

I know, I know. But, you have to admit…his knees HAVE been acting like a couple of A$$holes.

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Listen Motherfer

“Listen, Motherf**ker!”

Mario Chalmers, Miami Heat

Poor little Mario. He gets yelled at so much by his more talented teammates that even President Obama had to make a crack about it (at the 1:30 mark).

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Fitty Cent

 

“50 Cent”

Rodney Stuckey, Detroit Pistons

There’s more than just a passing resemblance between these two and I’m willing to bet that at least a couple of times during his career, Rodney’s been spotted in da club, with a bottle full o’ bub.

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 NON

“Non”

Nikola Pekovic, Minnesota Timberwolves

Since we’re on the subject of doppelgangers, this one has been all over the “Internets” for a few years now. Just google “Nikola Pekovic Superman” and see for yourself.

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JaFail

“JaFail”

JaVale McGee, Denver Nuggets

I have nothing against this guy myself, but after watching all those “Shaqtin’-A-Fool clips…

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Rodman Pistons

“Rodman”

Dennis Rodman, Detroit Pistons, Chicago Bulls, San Antonio Spurs, Los Angeles Lakers, Dallas Mavericks

You know, after everything in his career – from the wedding dress, to the tattoos, Demolition Man hairdos, reality show appearances, battle with alcoholism and, finally, his love-fest with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and subsequent return to rehab – there really is no other word or thing that is equivalent or nickname that does him justice. He truly is one of a kind.

Rodman Tatts hair

 

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