Jul 17 • Featured Blogs, Footy • 12477 Views • No Comments

In 2002, after being eliminated from title contention the game before on a disputed penalty kick, Stade Olympique de l’Emyrne (a team in Madagascar’s premier league) lost their next game 149-0… scoring every single goal against themselves as a form of protest.

Remember that-149 goals against themselves in 90 minutes.

Last week in Nigeria, two league games ended more lopsided than an iceberg when Plateau United Feeders beat Akurba 79-0 and Police Machine FC (maybe the most intimidating name in sports) defeated Babayaro FC 67-0.

Now, upon first look these scores indicate that there was definitely some match fixing going on. Upon, closer inspection the audacity of the match fixing is downright laughable.

All you have to consider are the two scores at halftime if you want to get an idea of how absurd these games played out.

At the break Plateau United was up 7-0 and Police Machine (seriously I can see why a team would let them walk the ball into the net) was winning 6-0 after 45 minutes. These halftime scores in themselves would have given cause to question the credibility of the games, but compared to the scores after the restarts, the first half scores seem like the games were tighter than Roberto Baggio standing on top of the penalty spot.

These scores mean that in their respective second halves Plateau United scored 72 more goals, while Police Machine netted an additional 61.

Remember that the Madagascarian team scored at a rate of 74.5 goals per half ON THEMSELVES!!!

Plateau United almost matched that rate.

It’s as if the other teams literally did not show up for the second halves. Literally. Like they went home. And Plateau United and Police Machine just carried on playing and filling the empty nets.

Either a) Akurba and Babayaro were going tit for tat in an epic soccer troll-off or b)there was some reason why the two losing teams were not putting up much of an effort in the second half.

If you guessed b) give yourself a congratulatory handshake. You know soccer.

Both winning teams were on the verge of promotion to a higher league and needed the better goal differential to get there.

So, the way I figure it, when Plateau scored, Police Machine’s supporters would call to let their team know they needed to score again. And when Police Machine scored, Plateau’s supporters would do the exact same thing.

It was probably like watching a shot for shot boxing match. Except that the fighters were not fighting each other. Instead, they were both fighting tied-up, blind kittens.

That is how pathetic these games were.

Now, all four teams involved in the two matches have been suspended on “suspicion of match fixing”. Although, they could not have been any more suspicious had they all played the games with stockings over their faces, so it’s pretty safe to guess where this one is going.

The only question is how bad the punishment will be.

And hey, you never know, if FIFA steps in, Nigeria might just be named as host for the World Cup in 2026…

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