It’s finally here.
With great sadness and, yes, happiness we enter Super Bowl Weekend.
The two best teams in the NFL face off this Sunday to determine true on field dominance. Here is everything you need to know about the Seattle Seahawks versus the New England Patriots.
Who Gives a Crap About the Goddamn Balls
After over a week of intrigue involving the Patriots eleven deflated balls the hype is dying down. We have heard the scientific ways that the balls would NOT have been deflated. We have heard that Belichick, nor Brady knows a damn thing. We know that the AFC Championship game wasn’t the first timet the Pats played with a deflated ball. Robert Kraft has said he wants an apology. The ball attendant entering the bathroom for 90 seconds with the balls in question looks damn suspicious, but *deep breath* we still don’t know a damn thing! And it’s starting not to matter! There will not be any deflated balls in the Super Bowl! So let’s move along shall we!
Richard Sherman May be a Big Faker
I have heard a lot of things about Richard Sherman and him not being a 100% healthy. That moment of him lopping across the field with his arm held close to his body seems to be burned in every NFL loving fan’s mind. BUT what if he’s NOT hurt. What if this is some crazy next level plan to throw the Pats off?! What if he’s pretending to be a Goddamn Killdeer bird!?
Sherman is a smart ass man. He is a hell of a football player and like any crazy ass football player he will play through his elbow sprain.
Oh, and that baby of his will not disrupt his appearance there.
After all the crap about his talking and not talking at press conferences we can finally watch him play. It will be interesting to see how he performs against the Pats. It’s hard to slow the man down and tiring him out is not always a possibility with Beastmode. However, he needs to show up and he needs to break tackles like never before. The Seahawks don’t have enough strength in their passing attach. Fortunately, New England showed that they may let this happen after even Boom Herron finding room to run in the AFC Championship game.
While Marshawn is key to the Hawks, Gronk is key to the Pats.
The Seahawks can use Chancelllor and Thomas to try and stop him. They need to not let him off the line of scrimmage quickly. They need to play physically- you know against a giant man.
Because how do you stop the Gronk when he’s fully healthy? He’s huge, he can box out his opponents, he has the speed to get down field and he’s a huge target.
Defense Win Championships/ Tom Brady and Co
The line was made true last year when the Seahawks D destroyed Peyton. They will try their best to pressure Brady. He has shown in past Super Bowl’s that when pressured he releases the ball at inopportune moments. Brady has a a strong passing attack. He has Edelman, Amendola, and of course Gronk. Add in Belichick genius and Tom Brady Strengths and things look good for the Pats..
Katy Perry is Your Halftime Show
All the men out there couldn’t give a flip but there’s a scattering of female readers who want to know who’s hitting the stage. Personally, I’m not sure how can beat Beyonce; but Perry will try her best. She’s joined by Lenny Kravitz and some unannounced female guest. As a football fan the only reason I will watch 3 minutes of this is to see Fireworks and hum “plastic bag in the wind” under my breathe. Thank you James Franco.
Why do I end here?
Cause this shit is close.
It’s real close.
I hate the Patriots, but I fee like there’s a good chance they win tomorrow
The defense may win championships, but when you add up a well rounded team headed by an evil genius things sway in the other direction real quick.
Director of Model Sports Fan
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