WTF, Jason Kidd?
How do you confuse me? Let me count the ways…
Before we get into Jason “has-the-maturity-of-a” Kidd and his latest bout of Douchebaggery, I feel that one can’t fully appreciate the depth of his new low without remembering the not-too-distant past.
Let’s review, then, shall we?
1- You were put in charge of the Brooklyn Nets, even though you had as much professional basketball head coaching experience as I do. Just in case I need to spell it out…I got bupkis.
2- That team in question was loaded with high-quality talent that included Joe Johnson, Deron Williams, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Andray Blatche, Jason Terry, Andrei Kirilenko, Shaun Livingston and others, yet you (drunkenly?) steered the team to 21 losses in 31 games to begin the season in near-catastrophic fashion before “rallying” to finish with a mediocre 44-38 season and the 6th seed in one of the weakest Eastern Conferences in recent memory. Granted, you lost a major piece of your team when All-Star Center Brook Lopez went down with a broken foot, but you were already 9-17 by then, soooo….
3- During your (drunken) impression of “Mr. Kidd’s Wild Ride,” you called into play several questionable coaching ploys, most notable among them the old “Let Me Pretend To Accidentally Spill My Soda On The Court To Get A Timeout Because I Squandered All Of My Legal Ones Already” routine.
Okay, I have to admit…as much as Cola-Gate was a blatant and totally unsportsmanlike @$$-and-a-half desperation move, I kind of appreciated the creativity, comedy and sheer balls of it. Still, it deserved to be punished and it was, to the tune of $50 G’s by NBA officials.
With several other smaller issues (Kidd was late to a shootaround – the same kind of shootaround that players would be fined for if they were late) or typical “coach-like” problems (he was fined $25,000 for criticizing league officials during the Playoffs), Coach Kidd almost made it out of the rough with the post-All-Star run and a first-round win against the Toronto Raptors.
Despite early signs of promise for the upcoming season – Kevin Garnett appears to be ready to pass once again on retirement and re-up with the Nets; the team, without a single 2014 draft pick after literally throwing all of their eggs into the basket marked “Celtics” in last year’s trade, ended up spending a little cash to acquire and select three solid second-round picks; and Lopez appears to be on the mend and should be an important contributor for the Nets’ continued improvement – Kidd seemed determined to f**k it all up by (drunkenly?) demanding that management of the team recognize his obvious coaching godhood and elevate him above General Manager Billy King, giving him total basketball shot-calling power.
Exercising exactly the proper judgement, the Nets encouraged Kidd to concentrate on making a successful attempt at self-procreation, and happily extracted two second-round draft picks from the Milwaukee Bucks, who (drunkenly?) asked permission to interview (and subsequently hire) Kidd for the position of head coach with their organization.
But, Kidd’s ultimate douchebaggification had yet to reach its zenith. No, there was more douchebaggedness left unfulfilled.
That head coaching position with Milwaukee that he was interviewing for? Well, it wasn’t exactly a vacant one. That’s right, folks: newbie coach Jason Kidd – who coached a team to just above .500 with no fewer than six All-Star players on his roster, whose team managed to win just one game in the second round against the team (the Miami Heat) that managed to win just one game in the Finals against the eventual Champion (the San Antonio Spurs) – violated one of the most sacred and time-honored trusts among head coaches not just in the NBA, but in the professional coaching ranks by openly campaigning for a job that was still occupied by a colleague. Apparently, one of the new owners of the Bucks, Marc Lasry, and Kidd had (drunkenly?) formed a relationship in the past, which prompted Lasry to wholeheartedly buy into the bag of bullsh*t that is Jason Kidd, who in turn pulled out the ol’ “All About Eve” maneuver on Larry Drew, who was shown the door immediately and embarrassingly after the painfully public process all worked itself out. Unfortunately, about the only person who didn’t see the writing on the wall was Drew, who expressed surprise that he wouldn’t be allowed to atone for the 15-67 debacle that was the Milwaukee Bucks under his stewardship.
But, Jason…for all of your self-centered, self-absorbed self-congratulatory (and mentally masturbatory) delusions, I have to agree that you stand head and shoulders above your colleagues — at least in one respect. Yes, Jason, you are indeed a very special kind of D-Bag. And, I didn’t even have to bring up the domestic violence charges you got from beating your wife in front of your child or your drunk driving arrest to make my point.
In any case, here’s hoping that new Nets coach Lionel Hollins brings the Nets to the Championship this year. We already know what Jason Kidd will be doing in Milwaukee.
Photo Credit: www.northjersey.com