Tahiti Treat

7 Notes on the Confederation Cup

Jun 24 • Featured Blogs, Footy • 9820 Views • No Comments

Confederations Cup Update…What I’ve Seen So Far

  1. Tahiti’s soccer team is not very good. At all.

  1. Everybody’s favourite team at the tournament is Tahiti. And it should be. Tahiti is ranked 138th in the world and has a population so small that Jay-Z might have more problems these days, then Tahiti has people. They only have one player who plays professional soccer (Marama Vahirua) and the rest of the team, for those who have jobs at all, are employed as truck drivers, school teachers, and delivery boys.

To call Tahiti underdogs would be an affront to the word underdog. Underdogs have a chance, Tahiti does not. When Tahiti played Spain it was not David vs. Goliath, it was like a literally-seconds-out-of-the-womb David Vs. a Super-powered Turbo Goliath. The odds in Vegas were 500 to 1, the biggest odds ever offered for a single game. Spain won 10-0, and if Xavi and Iniesta were playing it easily could have been double that.

However, despite the score Tahiti showed heart and even held Spain to one goal through the first 30 minutes. A lot of people will say that Tahiti has no place playing in this tournament and that competition like this is the reason why the Confederations Cup is not the prominent tournament FIFA wants it to be. Those people are probably right. But, Tahiti also reminded us something about how it is not always about winning…so that was good of them.

Up Next: With one game left, Tahiti has already been eliminated from the knockout stage, but hey they scored a goal.

  1. Neymar’s feet are made of magic.


In both of Brazil’s games Neymar has scored filthy goals early to set the tone. He also has the play of the tournament so far with his disgusting assist on Brazil’s second goal against Mexico. If you didn’t already know who Neymar was, you do now. He is blowing up like you thought he would. He is also probably pissing Real Madrid right off and giving Barcelona a bit of a soccer chubby.


Up Next: Brazil plays Italy to see who will be the 1st and 2nd seeds coming out of Group A.


  1. Spain is really good. Like, reallllllllly good.


Not including their 10-0 blowout of aforementioned Tahiti, Spain also easily dispatched of Uruguay in their first match. The score was 2-1 but it is not indicative of the game. Spain thoroughly dominated and Uruguay only managed to get on the board through an incredible free kick from Luis Suarez.


Up Next: Spain is through to the semifinals. The only question (it is really more of a foregone conclusion) is whether they will finish 1st or 2nd in the group. All they need is a tie or better against Nigeria to secure top spot.

  1. Speaking of Uruguay, has Suarez bitten anybody yet??? Looks like that is a no….so far.

Up Next: Will Suarez bite anybody on Tahiti? The Vegas line is probably as close as the odds of Thaiti winning the game.  Barring a Nigeria win against Spain, which would make things spicy, Uruguay only needs to beat Tahiti to advance.

  1. The Flying Eagles are staring in the face of a crash landing.

Up Next: Nigeria has to beat Spain and then hope that their goal differential holds up. So, not looking too good. Nigeria had their fate in their own hands but lost to Uruguay to set up the mountain they now have to climb.

  1. Mexico and Japan are out. They play each other in a game that means less to the tournament than Lebron’s allegiance to Ohio.

-Andy Mac

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